writtenbykhaya

A collection of Stories written by Khaya Murphy that grow as she grows.

“I need help”

I need help, I’m going insane..

I’m calling out but nobody is listening..

Can’t you hear me screaming at the top of my lungs ?

This isn’t me, what have I become ?

I’m being taken advantage of..

By everything that I ever loved..

I’m being treated as a threat of the century..

But in reality, I’ve just lost it by your entry..

You not knowing one bit of it all,

And acting like you couldn’t care at all.

Why should you, it’s not your life.

God forbid, you ever have to think twice

About putting me down,

Leaving me breathless and beaten as I lay on the ground..

I need help, but I’ll never be saved..

Hell,  I’ll be lucky if anyone even buries me a grave.

I’m not myself and I don’t know what’s happened..

‘Cause just a moment ago I was fine and just laughin’

I’m turning into another, something dark and vicious..

I guess this is just one of those stories that end suspicious.

I guess there’s always that point where you can only take so much

Before you’ve reached the point where you’ve had enough.

I’ve work hard every single day,

Just to get treated like I never mattered anyway..

I’ve worked hard to prove to you that I’m good..

But, I was just constantly misunderstood..

I’ve taken this for years and years.

I’m saying this aloud, lucky if anyone hears..

So now, my darkness is taking control..

You’ll see it over me and watch as it grows.

You’ve turned me into the monster I have become..

My dear, I suggest that you run.

Because, Mr. Nice Guy no longer exists.

I hope you don’t mind my little twist.

In fact, take that back, I hope you do.

Because, the new me is here to destroy you.

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“Daddy”

“Ya’ see, daddy used to hit momma, an’ him an’ momma never got along.

An’ I used to get mad at daddy, ‘cause he was always treatin’ momma wrong.

An’ momma used to tell me, ‘it’s okay.’

So, I went on tellin’ myself that every day; that it was okay.

‘It’s okay ‘cause daddy was just mad’,

And ‘it’s okay ‘cause daddy was just sad’,

And ‘it’s okay ‘cause daddy was just drunk’,

And ‘It’s okay ‘cause daddy was just blunk’,

And ‘it’s okay ‘cause daddy just made a mistake’,

And ‘it’s okay ‘cause daddy was just constantly in ache’,

And ‘it’s okay ‘cause daddy would get better’,

… But, daddy never got better…

Ya’ see, daddy never grew up.

So, his daughter eventually gave up.

She stopped tellin’ herself it’d be okay.

‘Cause she knew the pain would just never go away.

~

An’ every time her daddy took nap, she’d sneak out the back.

Run as fast she could with her flowers in a sack.

She stopped at a tomb stone and laid the flowers on the ground..

She’d stutter her words, sobbin’ in between every sound.

‘I been makin’ daddy mad on purpose momma, hopin’ he will get really mad at me.

I want him to be so mad at me that one day he will see…

I want him to realize all the years are now down the drain.

I want him to go insane.

I want him to kill me momma, just like he did you.

So I can be buried next you momma, an’ I’ll be with you.

I wanna be buried right here, in this dirt.

And then I’ll never be hurt.

Not anymore.

I won’t be sore.

I miss you momma, and I want you here with me,

But since you can’t come to me, just be patient and you’ll see me.

We’ll always be together

And happier than ever’”

~

The little ten year old girl walked off the stage with tears in her eyes. Her daddy was there and would punish her for her lies. Though, none of it was lies, he would make it seem as if they were. And she’d surely get her wish come true now, but, soon it’d all be a blur. Because, he already had flames in his eyes ready to beat her for telling the world what he had done. And she was ready for whatever it was to come.

Apologies Again !

Hey Dreamers,

My life has surely been quit the roller coaster lately ! AH ! But I am so insanely sorry for not posting as I promised again. I’ve realized promising a story or poem once a week is harder to follow through than expected. So no more promises to be broken. You can follow my blog or my Facebook Page:
http://www.facebook.com/writtenbykhaya

For any fun pictures, writing related focus points, or just to be updated every time I do happen to post a story/poem. Thanks so much for all your understanding and support !

-Khaya ❤

Mistakes Were Made (Poem)

(Before you read note: This is completely made up. I have never truly experienced anything like this situation.)

Slits across your wrists…
To you, happiness no longer exists…
Tears down your face…
You can’t wait to leave this place…
The cruel people who laugh at your pain…
You keep asking yourself, “What do they have to gain?”
Everyone excluding you and treating you like you were invisible…
If only they knew their actions were so critical…
You write a couple letters to your family and friends…
Tonight is when it all ends…
You say your goodbyes…
And apologize for the lies…
For the promise you’re about to break…
You didn’t want to, but there is only so much one can take…
You swallow down the pills…
So many that it kills…
You stare into the mirror…
Everything seems clearer…
The tears flooding your eyes…
You suddenly realize this decision wasn’t very wise…
You run out there door to warn someone…
No one is to be found and this can’t be undone…
~
As soon as your parents walk into the door…
They find you on the bathroom floor…
Calling your name, yelling, and screaming…
If only you could understand how bad this is seeming…
They rush you to the hospital and I meet them there…
The panic everyone felt was so contagious it passed through the air…
~
The doctor came to us with that sentence that ruins everyone’s day…
“I am very sorry for what I’m about to say…”
Your mom broken down…
Crying so hard she fell to the ground…
Your father started to cry too…
But, tried to hide it for your mother, like he felt he should do…
I, on the other hand, ran towards your room…
Entering it was like entering a cave of doom…
The doctors tried to pull me out…
“You can’t be in here,” they continued to shout…
I pushed and pushed with every bit of strength I had…
But eventually they got me out and I got very sad…
I fell to the ground unable to stand…
I felt as though I was being weighed down by tons of sand…
~
A couple days later is your funeral and more people showed up then you’d expect…
A lot of people cried and were emotionally wrecked…
You were loved by many, why did you leave?
Now we all will go home and grieve.
After the funeral your parents gave me the letter you wrote…
Looks like now we are in the same boat…
~
I love you…
I miss you…
I want you…
I need you…
I hope you are happy now…
Because without you, I must make it on my own, and I don’t know how…
You were my savior, my hero, my saving grace…
No one in the world will ever take your place…
I blame myself for I wanted to save you…
But you were already too far gone and I didn’t know how to…
I hope you are satisfied and are enjoying the afterlife…
Day to day I stare at the knife…
It calls my name and haunts me every time I walk by…
But then I remember when you said goodbye…
I could never do that to the people I love…
So, I truly hope you are happy up above…

It’s All Gone, Everthing The Ever Mattered

If it weren’t for me than you’d be dead.
But, you keep letting my love go over your head.
You tell me how you love me back.
But that, I’ve come to know, is far from fact.
I’m beginning to think that you’re lying.
‘Cause not long after that you say you’re dying.
You say I care more than she ever did.
But, when she comes back, you close the lid
On me, like I was always just some kind of friend.
I thought we had something more, is the end?
‘Cause I don’t know how much more I can take.
Of we should be together, than my heart goes break.
My brain can’t keep up with this changing around.
My heart suddenly feels like its stuck in the ground.
My head keeps telling me to stop before I get hurt.
But, my heart keeps saying to make it work.
But, I can’t do both at the very same time.
You see, I can’t cross the invisible line.
Because, that’s when I’m in too deep.
To a point where I can’t even leap.
And I can’t get out, I’ve fallen to hard and I’m crashing down.
Then next thing I know we both got a frown.
And that’s when I pretend I’m okay.
Just so I can try and make your day.
I want you to be happy like before.
But, when you’re not looking, behind a close door
I’m dying inside, crying inside, I can’t take no more.
For you, ill pretend while my insides are crashing in.
I say I’m fine,
But I can’t be when I crossed the line.
I knew better than to cross.
Now, look at everything that I have lost.
It’s all gone, everything that ever mattered.

You’re Not Alone

I’m just sitting here
Thinking of every fear
That can have us people so affected
I started to pick out the worst ones and watched as they collected.
The top one people are afraid of
Is to lose the people that we love
Just imagine how bad that would make you feel
If you have already, you know it’s a big deal
Another big fear is to be left alone
Be abandoned and forever on our own
Everybody just walking out of our life
Being left with nothing but a knife
As a best friend
And you want it to end
I want this message to heal some pain
I know it’s not much but it could stop the rain
Coming from your eyes as you cry at night
An don’t shake your head cause you know I’m right.
But listen up as I say something to you
You’re not alone and there are others too
I know you’ve probably heard this a thousand times
But taking your own life is one of the biggest crimes
Suicide doesn’t heal the pain
It hands it on over to someone to blame
Themselves for it even if they did nothing wrong
They can’t even bare to listen to a song
Because it speak the words they think
Next thing you know they got blood all over the sink
And their wrists have cuts all up and down them
They know if they walk out the door their parents will be condemn
They miss you, and the memories fill their mind
They blame themselves because they are so blind
They swallow down the pills until there were none
They can’t take it back now, It’s over, it’s been done
They just sit and wait for their life to fade away
Knowing now they’ll never see another day
Once they get found to be dead
One of their friends will break down from what is said
They’ll handle it a little bit than do the same thing
Take their life away as if it’s nothing
You affect the people who love you
Your family, your friends, they’ll be blue
Even if you don’t see it at the moment
People love you, I love you, now go and own it
Live your life and just be you
Cause nobody is better, these words are true.

‘Til The Petals Wilt Away

I’ll hold this flower,

’til the petals wilt away.

I’ll lose all my power.

That’ll be the day,

That I go sour.

“Goodbye to all,” I’ll say.

As it’s become the hour,

For me to fade away.